She Can Wear What She Wants Because She Lives in a Free Country Called India...!!!

Chetan Bhagat


"Girls should not wear provocative clothes."


"Tight clothes and jeans cause rape."


"Good Indian girls cover up."


"She was a bit of a loose character anyway."


"Cellphones in the hands of women is what is causing trouble."


If you live in India, chances are you have heard the above lines. Despite all the increased attention and deliberations on crimes against women, this "it-was-kind-of-her-fault" narrative refuses to die down. It is not just limited to ordinary citizens. We have had people in power make similar statements. Many religious organization heads believe the same, as do large sections of the police force. Sure, feminists scream and, with media outrage, shut down such people. However, deep down, the beliefs remain.
In fact, it's not just men; a lot of Indian women believe the same too. Many Indian women also think and sometimes say, "Why does she have to wear skimpy clothes?" or "Why did she have to go watch a movie late at night?"

"It is much easier to assume that the victim somehow is different from the women around me."


The important question is: Why do such attitudes prevail? Why do so many of our citizens believe women not behaving in a certain way are asking for trouble or are not "good girls"? What is the core fundamental issue here? More importantly, how do we convince them to think otherwise -- that what a woman chooses to wear is her choice and that it's important for society to protect that choice.
For the extreme feminist outrage isn't working. Until we engage with all sides, no matter how regressive their attitude, we will never make a breakthrough in attitudes towards women.
So why do many Indians think this way in the first place? Two main reasons: the first is it acts as a coping mechanism. Rape is a devastating occurrence. It is unnerving to believe that all women are at risk. It is much easier to assume that the victim somehow is different from the women around me. It is somewhat comforting to believe that if my daughter or sister dresses a certain way or behaves in a certain manner, they will not be susceptible. It gives a scared person a sense of control, a fake reassurance.

"It is much easier to scream at your daughter for wearing a tight pair of jeans."


However, the reality is that how a women dresses has little correlation with rape. What matters often are men's attitudes towards women, the kind of law enforcement system in place and a certain understanding of sexuality in society at-large. Of course, the regressive mindset finds dealing with all this far too complex and out of its control. It is much easier to scream at your daughter for wearing a tight pair of jeans.
The second reason why women are asked to cover up is to deny them their sexual power.
Various kinds of power exist in society. We all know about political and economic power. Another example is power of the pen, which I use here, to make my points across to you. There is a primitive form of power called muscle power, where one can physically harm the other person. Males have been granted more muscle power than women on average. Women, on the other hand, have been granted a certain sexual power. Through that sexual power, a woman can come across as attractive to a man, who will then need her consent to take things forward. This sexual power counterbalances the extra muscle power given to males.

"A woman has a certain sexual power, and she has the right to use it if she chooses to."


However, most male-dominated societies have denied and judged women who try to use this power. When we ask women to cover up, we deny them their choice in expressing their power. Therein lies the inequality. We never say men should have their hands tied up when they go on the streets, to check their muscle power, so that they cannot molest a woman. However, we have no qualms in saying a woman better cover up if she doesn't want to be molested. Therein lies an inherent biased attitude against women. It is denying women their free will, with no equivalent penalty for men. What's worse, in the case of an untoward incident, it lets the offender off the hook and questions the victim instead.
That is why this attitude must change. A woman has the right to aim to look attractive walking down the street. And a man, no matter how immensely and inexplicably attracted to her he is, has to seek her consent before he can infringe on her personal space. Hence, a woman has a certain sexual power, and she has the right to use it if she chooses to.
The regressive side will then often ask the automatic question, "Like all powers, can't the woman abuse that power? Can't she entice, hook, tease or give mixed signals to a man if we give her that free will?" The answer is yes. Yes, she can abuse that power to a certain extent, though that tends to be the exception. And if that happens, you cannot act without consent and say she was asking for it. Lack of consent is unjustifiable in any circumstance, period.
We have to make all our men and women understand these concepts. Outrage won't help. Sensitivity to women's issues will come from educating our broad population about power, individual rights and free will. Meanwhile, she can and she will wear whatever she wants. Not because she is modern or inspired by the West or has corrupted her values. It is simply because she is a free citizen living in a free country called India. And don't you dare try to deny her that.

So why did you come back to India??? ~ Chetan Bhagat

I had to get out. I had to do that walk to Trident. It was Friday evening. I didn’t tell anyone at home as I left my apartment at Mantralaya. I took the short walk towards Marine Drive, passing the homes of politicians — the powerful people who run this country.
I had in my house an acquaintance who had been rescued from the Trident. I wanted to talk to her, but she had to rest after two sleepless nights. She had a flight to catch, to get out of this country we call home. I was sick of the screaming TV journalists and the gory visuals. I was tired of the well-meant text messages, calls and emails that came from around the world — “r u nd family ok?” Physically yes, mentally no way. I replied to all of them, thanking them for their concerns.
I wanted to get away from two questions the most. The first kept coming from our friends in Hong Kong, from where we had moved earlier this year: “So why did you move back to India anyway?”, I got asked five times a day.
The second came repeatedly from my 4-year old twin boys: “Daddy, why do we have holidays?” I had no good answers.
I reached the barricades at the LIC building, where vehicles had to stop. I walked ahead and reached the Air India building, the closest point that the security forces allowed us near the Trident-Oberoi hotel.
Four sets of people were present. First, the truckloads of army men, ready to go in and face death if required. Their camouflage uniforms and grass-covered helmets were more suitable for jungles in border areas than downtown Mumbai. They were the only hope that this crisis would end; the only hope that a few organisations in India still work.
The second group was the media. I recognised a few cameramen, as I’d seen them at my book launch or at the premiere of Hello. Today, they weren’t scrambling to get a byte from Salman.
 Their shocked zombie eyes tried to zoom in as much as possible on the stillness of the two white towers. We watched the various rooms, each a tiny fishbowl of humanity. It was the most luxurious and scariest prison in the world at the moment. Unlike TV, there was a tremendous silence as there were no voiceovers.
The third set of people, the most heartbreaking, were the relatives of people stuck inside. They stood helpless, with no reliable information as they called hospital after hospital. They latched on to hope and energy, which dwindled by the hour.
The fourth set was clueless people like me. We didn’t know why we were there. It was dangerous, we were not directly involved, and all updates came on TV anyway.
Still, I had to come, maybe to get away, maybe to assuage a bit of guilt at being safe, maybe to show defiance.
The army trucks drove in for the final encounters. I looked again at the two five-star hotels of my poor country. We don’t have a lot of these. Still, someone out there has a problem with us having a few world-class symbols of progress. Someone out there doesn’t believe we deserve a peaceful country and a city where work actually gets done. Someone out there feels heroic in crushing a billion people’s spirit.
I looked at Marine Drive. The queen’s necklace looked beautiful on an unusually clear night, except that there were no hand-holding couples sitting on the promenade. Love had taken a backseat as my country dealt with another night of hate. I and the others gathered looked at the fishbowl windows again. I felt my eyes well up. Because of this tragedy, someone had the audacity to question my decision to come back to my own country. I felt terrible. I walked back home, taking a last glance at a set of relatives who had sensed the inevitable but were yet to acknowledge it.
I dropped off our guest at the airport. We stayed silent throughout the drive.
I returned home at night and slipped into bed with my sons. Their child-like stubbornness was making them ask the same questions again and again till they got an answer.
“Daddy, why do we have holidays?” said one.
“Daddy, why do we have to stay inside for so long?” said the other.
I had to answer.
“Some bad men are trying to hurt Bombay. They are outside so we stay inside,” I said.
“Who’s going to save us? Which superhero will come,” said one.
I paused as I looked into their little, sleepy eyes.
“You will. And that is why you came back from Hong Kong,” I said as they drifted off to sleep.

Don't Skip your Sleep...!!!

Ranjan Das, CEO and MD of SAP-Indian subcontinent  died after a massive cardiac arrest in Bandra, Mumbai recently.

One of the youngest CEOs of any MNC in India, he was only 42.

What killed Ranjan Das?

He was very active in  sports, was a fitness freak and a marathon runner. It was common to see him run on Bandra’s Carter road.

Just after Diwali, on 21st Oct, he returned home from his gym after a workout, collapsed with a massive heart attack and died.

He is survived by his wife and two very young kids.

It was certainly a wake-up call for corporate India. However, it was even  more disastrous for runners.

Ranjan was an avid marathoner. In Feb09, he ran Chennai Marathon.

The question arises as  to why an exceptionally active, athletic person succumb to a heart attack at 42 years of age.

Was it the stress?

While Ranjan had mentioned that he faced a lot of stress, but that is a common element in most of our lives. Also, it is thought that by being fit one can conquer the bad  effects of stress. So it is doubtful if the cause was stress.

Then what is the real reason?

Everyone missed out a small line in the reports that Ranjan used  to make do with 4-5 hours of sleep.

In an earlier interview of Ranjan on NDTV in the program ‘Boss' day out’, Ranjan Das himself admitted that he would love to get more sleep and that he was not proud of his ability to manage without sleep, contrary to what others extolled.

The Evidence:

A well-known cardiologist has worked on the subject of  ‘Heart disease caused by lack of sleep'.Key points mentioned below if understood may save many lives.

Some excerpts:

Short sleep duration (<5 or 5-6 hours) increases risk for high BP by 350% to 500% compared to those who slept longer than 6 hours per night.

Young people (25-49 years of age) are twice as likely to get high BP if they sleep less.

Individuals who sleep less than 5 hours a night have a 3-fold increased  risk of heart attacks.

Complete and partial lack of sleep increased the blood concentrations of High sensitivity C-Reactive protein (hs-CRP), the strongest predictor of heart attacks. Even after getting adequate sleep later, the levels stay high.

Just one night of sleep loss increases very toxic substances in body such as Interleukin-6 (IL-6), Tumour necrosis factor-alpha (TNF-alpha) and C-reactive protein (CRP). They increase risks of many medical conditions, including cancer, arthritis and heart disease.

Sleeping for <=5 hours per night leads to 39% increase in heart disease. Sleeping for <=6 hours per night leads to 8% increase in heart disease.

What is ideal sleep?

In brief, sleep is composed of two stages: REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and  non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps  in physical repair and rebuilding.

During the night, a person alternates between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.

The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, Pituitary gland releases Growth hormone that repairs the body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type.

For anyone to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is more important.

No wonder when one wakes up with an alarm clock after 5-6  hours of sleep, he/she is mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep).

And if somebody has slept for less than 5 hours, the body is in a complete physical mess (lack of non-REM sleep), the person is tired throughout the day and immunity is way down.

Also, all long distance runners need an hour of extra sleep to   repair the running related damage.

In conclusion:

Barring stress control, Ranjan Das did everything right: eating proper food, exercising (marathoning!), maintaining proper weight. But he missed getting proper and adequate sleep, minimum 7 hours. Most likely that killed him.

If somebody is not getting enough sleep (7 hours), that person is playing with fire, even if having low stress.

Do not set your alarm clock under 7 hours.

Now, that is a nice excuse to get some more sleep.

Unfortunately, Ranjan Das is not alone when it comes to missing sleep. Many of us are doing exactly the same.

Too Busy for a Friend...!!!

Hozefa Malek

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in

Iraq and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's
classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.

If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

INDIA- The Country of Emotions...!!!

I was at an Airport of one of the Metro Cities last week and I noticed the people at the Departure Terminal giving the farewell to their loved ones with teary eyes and lots of Emotions. In my opinion if you want to see the emotional side of the country, you should visit a Railway station or an Airport.

Luckily we are living into the Indian Culture where traditions, customs are given lots of importance, but the sad part is Dropping the guests or the family member to the Airport or the Railway Station to give him a farewell is also included in our tradition nowadays. A one single person who is been given the farewell is accompanied by some 20 odd people which is sometimes funny. Nevertheless, every person coming to the farewell is an income source for the Indian Railways and the Airport Authority of India, unless they do not take the Platform Tickets (If you know What I Mean).

If we notice, emotions also comes out when in a house, a daily soap is on. With the events happening in the #EktaKapoor’s Daily Soaps, I have seen many houses where the women shed tears. Same thing happens in the theatres, when in a love story, an actor or the actress dies or re unite or whatever. The scene in the film “Bhaag Milkha Bhag” where Farhan Akhtar runs without his pair of shoes and still wins the race, the scene in the film “3 Idiots”, when Aamir Khan delivers the Baby and the moment the baby starts crying after “All is Well” are examples of when the Audience is carried out by the emotions.

Another emotional moment the country saw when Mr. Narendra Modi, went upto his mother after resigning as a CM of Gujarat for taking charge as the PM of India. The amount of emotion was maximum when his mother fed him the food and he ate it with her hand.

Sports also bring emotions. The moment when MS Dhoni hit that winning shot in the 2011 Cricket World Cup, I remember myself hitting a punch into the air and almost in tears. This emotions create a feeling of pride. A moment I remember when I feel everybody became emotional was when Sachin Tendulkar gave his Farewell Speech, but each and every person was in tears at the moment when he for the last time went to the Wankhede’s Pitch and Kissed it (Even, I am getting emotional writing this Line).

The people of India gets emotional when a girl is abused brutally, they come on the streets and protest for the victim. But its pity that they are the only one who did not help the girl and his friend when they were needing the help.

In the influence of certain political parties, people sometimes call “Bandhs” in a place, which they say is in the interest of the people, but actually it is not. By creating “Bandhs”, the people are affected the most. But people do that, because of emotions and that’s the sad part.

Well, we saw how India is an emotional country, but I sometimes think, where those emotions go when we see an Orphan down on the streets or a really poor family wandering in the place for its home. I know people who on one hand protest for the bad things happening in the country, and harassing their parents on the other. I sometimes feel that if India is a country of Emotions, why is there a need of Orphanages and Old Age homes?

If there are emotions, why is a woman being abused in the country? The problems is, we do not have emotions for the things we do not like. Some people like their parents just for the sake of their wealth or whatever. I have come across many parents who are so much harassed by their wards. Why isn’t the same emotion for the parents, which we see into that woman who is abused? Aren’t we abusing our parents by harassing them? Theirs is lot more thinking required into this.

I hope all of us have same emotions for everybody, be it our belongings or others.

Three Friends...!!!

Once there lived a man in an Arab Dynasty who had three friends. He loved the first friend very much. He used to give anything the first friend wanted. Never said NO for anything to him. Always did whatever he told to him. For the second friend, the man loved him but less than the first one. Had respect for him. But he didn’t love his third friend much, didn’t obeyed him ever.  The friend loved him but the man never showed respect for his love.

Once the man was in some trouble and he was very much depressed by the matter. He had to face the king of the dynasty and so he needed help for the same. He approached his first friend whom he loved the most. He said to him “I have got a problem with the king and need some help of yours for the same matter.” The friend said a direct NO to the man. The man was shocked. He had never denied for anything to his friend but today when he needed him he denied. The friend said “What have u done for me so that I should do something for you????.” The man was depressed a lot.

He went to the second friend and ask for the help. The friend said that he will help him by coming till the gate of the king’s palace. After that he can’t come because he has the fear of the king.

At the end he went to the third friend. Seeing him nervous the friend asked about what was the matter. The man told him about his problem. The friend said that he will help him get out of the problem. The man had a sigh of relief. His problem was solved and the king did nothing to him. He apologized to the friend because he never loved his friend and at time of difficulty, he only came and solved his problem.

Same is the case in the life of the human. The first friend whom we love is the MONEY and Wealth. We always go after it. We always do what it make us do. But after death the money we earned, we had will be of no use.

The second friend is the Family. They will help us in the life till death. But after death they will just come up to our grave or Final Rights and return back.

The third and the final friend is “Amal Saaleh”, the Good Deeds. This is what we never love to do. But it is the only saviour in our Life. This helps us make happy. People always want to priorities Earning Money over Family and Good Deeds which is right but depending extensively only on it will not help. Proper balance has to be kept.

By doing good deeds, I do not mean to donate money or do spend time with the poor or something like that. Just define what a “good deed” according to you is and what gives you happiness and then go for it.

I do not talk about Life after Death like most of the Religion do, but I strongly believe that doing Good Deeds can make you happy.

Contributed by: Hozefa Malek

(Note: This article was also published in BADRE MUNEER, the worldwide magazine of Dawoodi Bohra)