I am writing this today on the auspicious
occasion of Holi in India. The subject I have touched would be very sensitive
to Men as it is regarding Manhood (Mardangi).
2 days ago, I had a debate in our Family WhatsApp
group regarding why every-time Girl or a Women has to hold herself back for
family. Why can’t the Men of the world try to change themselves. But the only
thing lading them back is Mardangi, The so called Manhood. I would definitely
believe that most of the men and women who are reading this would not agree
with me, but my idea is to define Mardangi today and not disrespect anyone’s Feelings
and opinion. I am not a Feminist or a Social Worker but coming across certain weird
practices, I have decided to write this today.
TO sum up, I BELIEVE IN EQUALITY. And I would
love that all the Men and Women reading this would believe in Equality after
reading this.
Where do you think this though of Manhood
developed? First, let me say that this is Violent
Manhood what we are seeing today. I think this violent manhood, is somewhere
connected to inequality and injustice, power and authority. “I am Right and you
are Wrong”. “I Don’t need to Talk”, “Why should I talk when I can Kick you?”, “I
am Powerful, so I am Right”, “There’s no justice. So it doesn’t matter what I
do.” I had like to tell the boys that if you really want to prove you manhood,
then instead of Loving Power, Understand
the Power of Love.
It’s untrue that nature has got anything to do
with Manhood. There is only one natural difference between a man and a woman. A
woman can give birth. So she has a uterus and breasts to feed the baby. Sadly,
men do not possess these two things. There is no difference between men and
women, other than this. Nature never forbids anyone from loving a
person or carrying and nourishing their children. Some people say that Men
would not carry children, would not cook etc. Do Women have Five Hands? To
cook, to wash clothes, to polish their shoes. No, women have two hands and so
do men. Nature has not assigned any work to anyone. It is we, who have done
that. If we talk of Nature, then Buddha could not give birth. That is the Law
of Nature. But Buddha could be compassionate and sensitive. Talking about the
other side, Woman can also be very cruel. Since Girls are beaten under
Patriarchy, they are suppressed. But as
soon as a woman becomes a Mother-In-Law, she commits all kinds of atrocities,
too. So, it’s all about Power. See, when the Commissioner is with a
subordinate, he is dominating. But as soon as the DIG arrives, he becomes Timid.
As soon as the DIG leaves, he becomes dominating again. So, this has nothing to do with Nature. This is connected to
our Outlook.
We always feel that manhood affects women. Yes it
does. But it also greatly affects the man who gets violent. Humanity in him is
over. According to the Indian Government, 40% of the husbands beat their wives.
A person who can hit his wife shows that there is something seriously wrong
with him. A person, who can rape a six month old or six year old girl, shows
that something is destroyed within him. He has no emotions left. He doesn’t love
his body. He doesn’t care about his future generations. All he cares about is
power. Power benefits but Humanity Loses.
What’s greater? Humanity or Power? I believe Humanity is greater.
When a girl is raped, people say she lost her
honour. How did she lose her honour? Her honour is not in her Vagina. It’s a Patriarchal
Idea that a girl’s rape will defile the honour of her community. However, I had
like to ask all here that, Why did you place your community’s honour in a woman’s
vagina? The women have never did that. It’s
the Rapist who loses his honour, the women doesn’t. I am glad that in the
last 15-20 years, a lot of men have understood that what patriarchy does to men
is fatal, too. They are at loss, too. Men are standing up against Violent
Manhood. And Men will have to. Men and
Women are not two Different Groups. The only two groups are Equality and Inequality.
We do not consider this the battle of sexes.
We will have to work at every stage but I feel,
we need to work on ourselves first.
There are men who are so pressurized because of
Manhood that they are unable to tolerate this pressure. It is said, “who is a perfect
man? Someone who is tall and strong (So I am not a Perfect Man- hahaha…). Someone
who is capable of earning for his family. That’s the society’s definition of a
real and perfect man. So how many men
fit in this social definition of a real man? Also a man’s sexual performance
is extremely important in the Society. The Ads
displayed on the roads show how severe this problem is for men. Somewhere there
is a Hakim strengthening your manhood by a medicine and somewhere there are
allopathic ways to increase one. They call it Shilajit and say that will
benefit your sexual performance. So what all men do nowadays is searching for
Shilajit and Viagras every single day. They are under a lot of stress.
Lakhs of Farmers in India have committed suicide.
I believe that half the reason is poverty, and the other half is manhood. “What
kind of a Man am I? I can’t even feed my children”. He thinks he has failed as
man. How may Female farmers have committed Suicide? None. Since they could not do it being men, they were under immense
pressure. Secondly Men are not allowed to cry. That means they won’t be able to
understand their emotions. If you don’t understand your emotions, you will feel
angry and lose control over yourself. If a girl rejects you, you go out of
control and throw acid on her. There is ragging in colleges and some have
actually killed one another. There’s killing even if one’s motor cycle touches
another motor cycle. This violent manhood, according to me is responsible for
all the dangerous things taking place in the world. Like what? 1 billion women in
the world are assaulted physically. Wars are going on in the world and the
reason is violent manhood. Look at the economy today. People will do anything
for money; this manhood is responsible for this. This manhood is responsible for
Terrorism. People spread fundamentalism in the name of religions; this manhood
is responsible for this as well.
Excerpts also taken from an interview of Ms. Kamla Bhasin.
