When Manhood (Mardangi) Harms Men and Humans at Large…!!!

I am writing this today on the auspicious occasion of Holi in India. The subject I have touched would be very sensitive to Men as it is regarding Manhood (Mardangi). 

2 days ago, I had a debate in our Family WhatsApp group regarding why every-time Girl or a Women has to hold herself back for family. Why can’t the Men of the world try to change themselves. But the only thing lading them back is Mardangi, The so called Manhood. I would definitely believe that most of the men and women who are reading this would not agree with me, but my idea is to define Mardangi today and not disrespect anyone’s Feelings and opinion. I am not a Feminist or a Social Worker but coming across certain weird practices, I have decided to write this today. 

TO sum up, I BELIEVE IN EQUALITY. And I would love that all the Men and Women reading this would believe in Equality after reading this.

Where do you think this though of Manhood developed? First, let me say that this is Violent Manhood what we are seeing today. I think this violent manhood, is somewhere connected to inequality and injustice, power and authority. “I am Right and you are Wrong”. “I Don’t need to Talk”, “Why should I talk when I can Kick you?”, “I am Powerful, so I am Right”, “There’s no justice. So it doesn’t matter what I do.” I had like to tell the boys that if you really want to prove you manhood, then instead of Loving Power, Understand the Power of Love.

It’s untrue that nature has got anything to do with Manhood. There is only one natural difference between a man and a woman. A woman can give birth. So she has a uterus and breasts to feed the baby. Sadly, men do not possess these two things. There is no difference between men and women, other than this. Nature never forbids anyone from loving a person or carrying and nourishing their children. Some people say that Men would not carry children, would not cook etc. Do Women have Five Hands? To cook, to wash clothes, to polish their shoes. No, women have two hands and so do men. Nature has not assigned any work to anyone. It is we, who have done that. If we talk of Nature, then Buddha could not give birth. That is the Law of Nature. But Buddha could be compassionate and sensitive. Talking about the other side, Woman can also be very cruel. Since Girls are beaten under Patriarchy, they are suppressed. But as soon as a woman becomes a Mother-In-Law, she commits all kinds of atrocities, too. So, it’s all about Power. See, when the Commissioner is with a subordinate, he is dominating. But as soon as the DIG arrives, he becomes Timid. As soon as the DIG leaves, he becomes dominating again. So, this has nothing to do with Nature. This is connected to our Outlook.

We always feel that manhood affects women. Yes it does. But it also greatly affects the man who gets violent. Humanity in him is over. According to the Indian Government, 40% of the husbands beat their wives. A person who can hit his wife shows that there is something seriously wrong with him. A person, who can rape a six month old or six year old girl, shows that something is destroyed within him. He has no emotions left. He doesn’t love his body. He doesn’t care about his future generations. All he cares about is power. Power benefits but Humanity Loses. What’s greater? Humanity or Power? I believe Humanity is greater. 

When a girl is raped, people say she lost her honour. How did she lose her honour? Her honour is not in her Vagina. It’s a Patriarchal Idea that a girl’s rape will defile the honour of her community. However, I had like to ask all here that, Why did you place your community’s honour in a woman’s vagina? The women have never did that. It’s the Rapist who loses his honour, the women doesn’t. I am glad that in the last 15-20 years, a lot of men have understood that what patriarchy does to men is fatal, too. They are at loss, too. Men are standing up against Violent Manhood. And Men will have to. Men and Women are not two Different Groups. The only two groups are Equality and Inequality. We do not consider this the battle of sexes.

We will have to work at every stage but I feel, we need to work on ourselves first.

There are men who are so pressurized because of Manhood that they are unable to tolerate this pressure. It is said, “who is a perfect man? Someone who is tall and strong (So I am not a Perfect Man- hahaha…). Someone who is capable of earning for his family. That’s the society’s definition of a real and perfect man. So how many men fit in this social definition of a real man? Also a man’s sexual performance is extremely important in the Society. The Ads displayed on the roads show how severe this problem is for men. Somewhere there is a Hakim strengthening your manhood by a medicine and somewhere there are allopathic ways to increase one. They call it Shilajit and say that will benefit your sexual performance. So what all men do nowadays is searching for Shilajit and Viagras every single day. They are under a lot of stress.

Lakhs of Farmers in India have committed suicide. I believe that half the reason is poverty, and the other half is manhood. “What kind of a Man am I? I can’t even feed my children”. He thinks he has failed as man. How may Female farmers have committed Suicide? None. Since they could not do it being men, they were under immense pressure. Secondly Men are not allowed to cry. That means they won’t be able to understand their emotions. If you don’t understand your emotions, you will feel angry and lose control over yourself. If a girl rejects you, you go out of control and throw acid on her. There is ragging in colleges and some have actually killed one another. There’s killing even if one’s motor cycle touches another motor cycle. This violent manhood, according to me is responsible for all the dangerous things taking place in the world. Like what? 1 billion women in the world are assaulted physically. Wars are going on in the world and the reason is violent manhood. Look at the economy today. People will do anything for money; this manhood is responsible for this. This manhood is responsible for Terrorism. People spread fundamentalism in the name of religions; this manhood is responsible for this as well.

It’s going to take time to change, but “Agar Mard ke Bachche hain toh Badlo na…!!!”


Excerpts also taken from an interview of Ms. Kamla Bhasin.